


you won’t know

by raininglight



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adult/Minor relationship and the baggage that comes with it, Just your average first meeting at a con fic!!, M/M, Very light smut, Wilbur is self destructive and envious, age gap, bowspam is rlly good, dream is disassociating literlaly all the time, ill add more tags later im avoiding spoilers, maybe grooming, unrequited tombur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:08:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26023981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raininglight/pseuds/raininglight
Summary: they say in heaven there’s no husbands and wives
Relationships: Clay | Dream/TommyInnit
Comments: 47
Kudos: 434





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> been planning this for a bit it’s time to go nuclear haha hey
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Despite any resemblance and similarities, none of the characters actually depicted are real. It’s all text on a screen, so please don’t mistake fiction for reality. The characters and events in this fic are entirely fictional and not rooted in reality. All characters are giant radioactive Isopods. All characters are 70 years old and retired. All characters are characters.

-

It’s four in the morning.

Tommy can’t stop twisting and turning. The burning excitement for the events to come ran rampant through his body like a stampede. It’s definitely a bad idea, but he can’t stop refreshing Twitter. They’ve been dropping hints about it and most people know already, and it’s fun to see the shitstorm.

Suddenly, he gets a Discord notification. He flips over, stomach facing the bed.

[Dream]: you’re still up?

His legs suddenly start to kick against the bed rhythmically.

[Dream]: don’t you have a flight to catch in three hours  
[TommyInnit]: I cant sleep  
[Dream]: really that excited to see me?  
[TommyInnit]: Well for everything, actually.  
[Dream]: come on  
[TommyInnit]: Oh  
[TommyInnit]: You’re flerting with me  
[TommyInnit]: You should stop doing that.  
[Dream]: you like it

The teenager narrows his eyes.

[TommyInnit]: Youre especially bold today, Clay  
[Dream]: what’s with that  
[TommyInnit]: I’m gonna refer to you as that starting today  
[Dream]: oh right  
[Dream]: actually please don’t  
[TommyInnit]: Why?  
[Dream]: because it riles me up  
[TommyInnit]: You need to stop doing this  
[Dream]: you don’t love me anymore?  
[TommyInnit]: I don’t actually mind it, im just saying you need to stop doing it through text  
[Dream]: tommy  
[Dream]: no one will see anything! i promise you  
[Dream]: ❤️  
[TommyInnit]: Why is the non offender here the more concerned one?  
[Dream]: why would you say that  
[TommyInnit]: Sorry.  
[TommyInnit]: I’m just scared I guess  
[Dream]: im not.

Tommy subconsciously smiles.

[TommyInnit]: I love you, Clay.  
[Dream]: you’re sooo bad  
[TommyInnit]: Say it back.  
[Dream]: nah im saving it for the con

He’s not smiling anymore.

[TommyInnit]: I’m not sure when wilbur is gonna pick me up  
[Dream]: should i meet you at the airport  
[TommyInnit]: I thought that was the plan  
[Dream]: i mean like there inside of it and not just picking you guys up  
[TommyInnit]: You’re gonna do something weird  
[Dream]: its not because i wanna stake claims on you by pissing on you in front of wilbur  
[TommyInnit]: Is this why they call you pissbaby?  
[TommyInnit]: Wait did you just insinuate Wilbur wants to “steal” me from you  
[Dream]: niiiight tommy  
[TommyInnit]: Come back  
[TommyInnit]: Youre not even pretending to be offline come on CLAY

A few more spammed messages later, and Tommy calls it a quits. The pillow he rested his chin on is now pressed up against his chest, arms wrapped around it.

He can’t wait.


	2. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it’s super dialogue heavy idk how to write help me bowspam shippers come get urfood

-

  
“There’s a mystique about airplanes, you know? It’s like, you’re just floating there yet you’re still grounded. All you can do is wait for the land again.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re talking about an airplane.

The humming of the machine sounds everywhere, and the beige coloring of the plane starts to blend everything together. Wilbur didn’t let him sit by the window.

Tommy crushes the plastic cup in his hand. “What do you mean?”

Wilbur shrugs. He looks out the window for a moment before turning back. “You’re kind of acting like an airplane yourself.”

“Speak English, Will. God.” 

“Did you meet a girl?”

“What?! No, why would you even think that?”

There’s a chuckle from behind the seats. Tommy apparently had forgotten how easy it is to hear conversations in a plane.

“Keep your voice down!”

“Now you’re just yelling at me!”

“Okay, shush.”

Tommy rests his forehead on the seat in front of him, sighing out. “What does ‘acting like an airplane’ entail, Wilbur.” 

“There’s this forgetful, clumsy sort of daze that Niki goes in every once in a while. I was just thinking that you’re reminding me of when she gets like that.”

“Are you saying I’m acting like a _woman?”_

“I guess so.”

“What the hell…”

-

“Wait a second, you’re saying that Nick and Toby have already been together for a week now?” Tommy suddenly yells, the car stuck in light traffic.

“I guess.” The dirty blond man says in the front.

“That’s where he was- What the fuck!”

Wilbur’s hand reaches to change the radio station but Clay bats him away with his own.

“... Isn’t that weird?” Will mumbles.

“What? It’s not that weird for a nineteen year old to be friends with someone who’s sixteen.” Clay responds.

“That’s not what I-“ 

“This song sucks.”

Tommy changes the topic for Clay’s sake.

“Take that back right now.” Clay shoots back at him. Tommy giggles a bit.

“It does!”

-

“ _Here’s your food.”_

_“Thank you!”_

_“Oh god, I’m gonna be late- It took so long to get this, Jesus!”_

_Clay checks himself in the mirror, ignoring Nick’s awkward shuffle._

_“Well, actually-“_

_“Is the food here? I had headphones on.”_

_Clay jumps at the new sound coming from across the room. What he sees is a small… thing crawling out from a stray clothes pile._

_“Wh- That’s-“_

_“Yeah. Toby… He’s been here.”_

_“For how long?!”_

_“A week?”_

“ _You’ve been here for a week?”_

_“Uh… I accidentally got a few more nights than I intended so I figured-“_

_“Why is he in your dirty clothes?”_

_Toby raised his hand. “It’s a game we’re playing!”_

_“Oh my god. Nevermind, I don’t want to know. Do I look okay?” Clay adjusts his shirt again._

_“You look like you’re dressed for a date.” Nick says, arms crossed._

_“Whatever, you owe me! Where’s the keycards?”_

_“Here.”_

_Clay is out as soon as he comes in._

Was it really that weird? Weird enough for Wilbur to be confused by it?

Tommy and Wilbur are in their shared room, meanwhile he’s just with George. If he could’ve somehow arranged the rooms differently he would’ve but it’s his fault for leaving it to Nick.

Speaking of George, he swiftly calls him up.

“Hey,” Clay mumbles as his friends picks up.

“Hi?”

“Did you know Toby was with Nick?”

“Wait- like, dating?”

“What? No, they’re… Together in a hotel and they have been.”

“Isn’t that weird?”

“Gh- Okay, anyway, how’s it going?”

“I’m rushing to the next flight.” 

“Oh, sorry.”

“It’s fine, I might even be early.”

“Okay, I’ll see you…”

Clay is in a room by himself. He can hear the banter of Nick and Toby in the room to the right of him. It gets louder as he hears two new voices join in and laughing. He closes his eyes and tries to isolate the voice of him…

It’s too hard. 

-

George didn’t react weirdly when he thought Clay was asking if Toby and Nick were dating.

He’s kind of just been on autopilot. One second he’s in a car, the next he’s in a hotel and now he’s in a restaurant. It’s loud. George is gone and then he’s back again. What’s happening? Tommy is sitting right across from him.

He laughs when someone says something. He nods in agreement to who knows what. Wilbur and George are having a conversation when Clay suddenly exclaims in pain.

“Ow! My eye!”

“Bullseye!” 

Tommy, Nick and Toby are laughing together and Clay sees Tommy holding a straw. 

“Wow, spitwads. I thought you were sixteen?”

The table erupts into laughter again.

Clay sighs and rubs his eye. “Tommy, you’re being gross.” 

“You’re smiling.”

He looks at his reflection in the window next to him. Oh, he is. Now he’s laughing.

“Clay!”

“What, George? Why did you say that so loudly?”

“Wilbur and I were talking about group channels, what do you think?”

“Uhh, on what specifically?”

Tommy is staring at him intently and he wants to ask why, but soon gets answers. Something is trailing up his leg, it’s firm, but smooth. It’s-

“You know, how sometimes they flop I guess?”

“Oh, yeah…”

Clay glances beneath the table to the best of his ability. Sure enough, Tommy’s stray shoe is left alone on the side. Which confirms what is touching the inside of his legs right now. He looks at the teenager in slight alarm.

“-So that’s what I was thinking, and-“ Wilbur’s voice, who is trying to explain the subject matter is drowned out as Clay realizes what exactly is happening.

Tommy’s soft, clothed sole is pushing against Clay’s crotch, and Clay’s body is responding a lot to the touch based on the sudden lightheadedness he’s feeling.

“Damn it-“

“Are you okay? It’s just a question.” George, being an idiot as usual is completely oblivious.

“Wh-What was it? I didn’t hear it…” Clay grabs Tommy’s foot roughly and glares at him. The boy is just smiling, smugly. Dammit. 

Reality can’t catch up if you aren’t there.

-

“Hey guys! This is crazy, I’m actually with Dream right now! There he is, say hi… Oh, he’s just- Ignoring me… Anyway, I wanna show you the hotel! I’m actually rooming with Wilbur but the others are right next door- So, this is the- What are you doing?”

“What are you doing?”

“Recording for the vlog, duh!”

“You don’t have to do that now.” Clay has tightly wrapped his arms around Tommy’s midsection and is looking up at him. Tommy aims the camera down at him but he drops it as Clay suddenly yanks him down.

“We’re finally alone together and all you want to do is record a video?”

“W-Well, Wilbur will be back any second, so…”

“It doesn’t matter right now.”

Tommy’s body weakens as he sits up on Clay’s lap, whose hands are now on his hips. “Sorry, you’re right.”

Clay smirks. “What was that little stunt earlier?” He flicks Tommy’s forehead, who lets out a small squeak of pain.

“You seemed upset…”

“I was just spacing out.”

“Well, I thought you’d find it funny.”

“Not really _funny_ , but… I liked how that’s the first place you went for.”

“Ah…”

“What’s on your mind?”

“I’m happy I’m with you right now.”

Clay raises an eyebrow. “Are you trying to change the subject? Come on, we’ve talked about doing this for months.”

“Can I just- Well-“

“What?”

Tommy moves back, placing a hand on Clay’s jean zipper.

“Ohhh, I told you I’m fine with doing more, though.”

“No, I just want to do this.”

Clay sits up, and meets eyes with Tommy’s, who looks up at him through his eyelashes. The man sighs and grabs the back of the boy’s neck as he leans in.


	3. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys idk when the next chapter will be posted

Wilbur didn’t tag along when the others went to the pool. He couldn’t, he promised a call with Niki. She was really excited for all of them to be meeting up, definitely sad she couldn’t come herself, but still managing to be happy for him. Wilbur wasn’t happy for himself.

He can’t figure out exactly why, and he can’t bring himself to call her either. He’s pacing in the hotel room and he can’t figure out why Tommy slept in Clay’s room last night. Yeah, sure, Will and George can talk through the night but it’s clear what Tommy was after. 

Wilbur’s teeth bit into the skin of his lip. He hears a small buzz in the room next to him. He opens the door to the next suite and sees a lone phone.

He recognizes it as Tommy’s and scoffs at the teenager’s forgetfulness. Curiously, he grabs it and checks to see what notification caused the buzz. 

It literally only took two tries to guess his password and it was literally just “bitch”. He wasn’t really interested in reading his messages, and the last one was sent to Toby. He leaned back and opened the photos app instead.

Why the hell is there a forty minute long video just recorded? He opened it and heard Tommy’s annoying voice and… 

He couldn’t watch past ten minutes of it.

He’s not sure what happened after he pushed the phone away and stared at the ceiling. He needs to process this. But Wilbur doesn’t give himself time to try to make sense of the disgusting sounds he heard. He opens up the discord messages between Tommy and Clay.

So many calls for hours on end. One conversation stood out to him. 

[Tommyinnit]: It hurts inside  
[Dream]: it hurts me too, all the time. every single day. i wish it could be different  
[Tommyinnit]: Im sorry I did this to you, I don’t want to see you suffer anymore  
[Dream]: you didn’t do anything  
[Dream]: im just messed up.  
[Tommyinnit]: No youre not  
[Tommyinnit]: I feel the same way towards you, its like nothing ive ever felt before. Its like i can only be me around you  
[Dream]: i wish i could just take all my money and you and drive somewhere we don’t have to worry about it  
[Dream]: but more than anything i wish we could tell everyone and still have friends supporting us and i wish i could openly tell you how much i adore you  
[Dream]: i cant fucking breathe im taking another one  
[Tommyinnit]: Stop popping pills over me you idiot my fucking god

This was around a month ago. Wilbur actually remembers that night, Tommy seemed detached in a call with Wilbur. Like his consciousness has left his body, just stuck in a catatonic state. He figured something happened, but wanted Tommy to heal on his own. He just had to be there for him.

But it was so much worse than he thought it was.

-

He’s not sure if everyone could tell. I mean, he was blatantly wrapping his arms around Clay in the pool and being really touchy with him in general.

Tommy couldn’t detect discomfort at all in him. Clay made fun of his physique. It’s true, compared to his boyfriend’s body he’s actually really skinny… Wait, is Clay officially his boyfriend now?

He thinks about asking. Clay and him decided to go back on their own to tell Wilbur the next plans for the convention in the evening. George tried to come with them but Clay assured him they’d just be a few minutes. Then they could finally go and meet fans or whatever the hell you do at conventions.

In the elevator, Clay held Tommy’s hand. He’s guessing it’s because it gives him some type of recreation of holding hands in public. It’s a good time to pop the question. 

“Are we dating?”

Tommy squeezes Clay’s hand and he squeezes back.

“I thought we were ever since that call a month ago.” Clay shrugs his bare shoulders. The smell of pool water on his skin was oddly stimulating.

“Just wanted to make sure.” Tommy murmurs back. 

Tommy pushes himself against Clay’s firm arm, rubbing his cheek against the man’s shoulder.

-

Clay isn’t sure what exactly just happened.

One second, Tommy’s fuzzy head is pushing against his bare shoulder. Then his heart feels so warm he feels like his blood will bubble and burst like an ulcer on his skin covering him with blood. 

The next, Wilbur is hitting him hard across the face and Tommy is rushing to his side. Things start to unravel, and he just vaguely hears words.

“Clay!” He shrieks, gripping onto the man’s arms before he can lose balance. His vision is blurry but he can see Wilbur’s expression. Contempt. Towards him.

“Wh-wh-why-“

“Wilbur! What the hell is wrong with you?” Tommy calls out at him. 

“Why are you… Letting this happen…?” Wilbur stares straight at Tommy, fist clenching as his expression softens. 

Tommy let’s go of Clay and looks at him. Clay can feel his expression change into that of fear rather than confusion. Did that strike a cord in the boy?

He can’t handle that right now. Clay scrambled to his legs and grabs his bag, running out of the room. 

“Clay!” He hears Tommy call out, but he doesn’t want to look back. 

It’s over now. Someone found out. In fact, the worst person possible found out. This is how it ends.

-

Tommy can barely form words. It takes an hour for Wilbur to come back with the others. He assumes Wilbur told all of them. It’s confirmed when he sees the look on their faces.

Nick seems more worried about Clay’s whereabouts. Tommy’s not sure what caused him to freeze up and let Clay get away. He was just thinking.

It wasn’t Tommy who started all this, was it? He figured that his feelings towards Clay were of extreme friendship, but he insisted it was of love. Tommy had to believe him. He was more experienced and it made sense.

He never experienced love before himself so he was probably right, that was his thought process.

Toby and George murmured to each other, and kept questioning Tommy. He couldn’t focus on them right now, all he could do was stare blankly and try to understand.

It doesn’t matter what happened before. Tommy made a promise to himself that he would stay by Clay’s side no matter what.

Even if it meant abandoning life as it is now.

-

“I know that Dream is late. We haven’t seen him for hours, so we might have to cancel the meet up. I’m sorry to everyone.” @WilburSoot, 6:29 PM.

Wilbur leaves a reply to someone, against his better judgement.

“We found out something very disturbing about Dream, and he’s been gone ever since. Tommy is shaken up, too. No one is fit to go to it right now.” @WilburSoot, 7:03 PM.

He knows the shitstorm this reply will cause. He knows the speculation that will come up. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

He’s supposed to be the responsible one, but he can’t stop himself. 

Wilbur can’t really understand the feelings he has right now. He felt pure anger upon finding out about their relationship, and as much as he wanted to believe he did, he didn’t feel any disgust.

Just anger.

“Yes, to those asking, it is between Dream and Tommy. We’re taking care of him right now, and to Dream: Face the consequences of your actions. Stop being a coward and own up. This is a child we’re talking about, here.” @WilburSoot, 7:10 PM.

He can’t type any coherent sentences. The indirects move at a rapid pace.

Wilbur is too focused on all the damage he’s caused to notice Tommy has left the hotel several minutes ago.


	4. III

Run.

Don’t stop, don’t stop.

The cool autumn air makes his throat feel like it’s tightening, shutting all the air out. Clay hears the sound of a train as he approaches a bridge. 

Below there are train tracks. He looks as they stretch on for miles, panting as he stares through clouded eyes. He left a hastily written note for Tommy. 

He needs to decide what he’s going to do. His fingers grip into his shirt, and he bites his lip. The tears are coming fast, in fact it’s a miracle he held them in for this long. The sun sets on the horizon, covering the world in orange. He lets the sun burn into his gaze. He doesn’t want to see anymore, he doesn’t want to hear anymore, he doesn’t want to feel anything at all.

It’s like there’s nowhere else to go from here.

-

Stumbling into George and Clay’s room, Tommy saw Clay’s suitcase opened. He probably took some things before running off. Tommy sighed and knelt down, touching his dirty clothes. Suddenly, he noticed something on the bed.

A note in messy handwriting. His heart races as he takes it in his shaky fingers. With an exhale, he prepares himself to read it. He mouths the words silently.

“I always knew it would turn out like this. When I fell in love with you, I knew we were doomed. I can’t help but feel like I’ve ruined your life with my own. It’s okay for you to be free now, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Wilbur obviously has feelings for you, I’ve been trying to get you to realize this. I got too careless. The one thing I wanted was you, and I knew I could never have it. Anything that comes after this seems pointless, I can’t look my family in the eyes knowing what we did. More of what I did, really. I did this to us. I forced you into this. There needs to be some kind of retribution, and the only way I can think of getting it is disappearing completely.”  
I’m not saying I’m gonna kill myself, I’m just saying anyone else would.  
the one who loves you, Clay AKA Dream”

Tommy’s eyes widen and tears suddenly come out. He’s not sure how he managed to keep them in, like he was stuck in a trance and couldn’t understand he was devastated. But he gets it now, what Clay wants, Tommy wants as well.

Tommy grabs the stuff in Clay’s bag and stuffs it in his own. He rushes out the back of the hotel, not looking back at all.

-

Clay stands staring down at the tracks, still. The wind causes his hair to wave slightly. At any moment, Clay could drop his body and jump. He could jump in front of the train and his body will be crushed.

He closes his eyes and inhales, tasting the onset of Autumn on his tongue. It tastes beautiful. His body stiffens, his body leaning forward. An alarm goes off beneath his feet, alerting him of the incoming train. 

He holds his breath, one, two, three, four. 

“Clay!”

Clay’s eyes shoot open. He slowly turns his head to the side and sees a young boy dropping a suitcase to run towards him. 

“Thank goodness, I found you. Oh my fuckin’ god, I can’t believe I just ran for that long. You idiot…”

Clay blinks, staring as the teenagers pants and slowly approaches him.

“You don’t have to do that.” Tommy breathes out.

“I wasn’t going to.” Clay lies blatantly. He awkwardly shuffles off the railing, dropping to the bridge’s floor.

Tommy swallows, clearly trying to get his breath back to finally talk. 

“I don’t know where you’re going, but I’ve decided.”

Clay just stares. The air still tastes sweet and crisp, he wonders if Tommy can taste it too.

“I… Want to be with you. Wherever you’re gonna go, I’m gonna go with you!” Tommy yells with conviction, and his voice cracks near the end of his small speech. He’s breaking. Or maybe he’s been broken for a much longer time.

Clay’s heart swells, and he grips onto his shirt, scratching at his chest and clenching his teeth. That’s right, reality can’t catch up to you if you aren’t there.

“Tommy…” He chokes out, and approaches the teenager. Tommy shoves himself into Clay’s arms, rubbing his head against his chest.

“I want to be with you forever.”

“We’re going to have to leave everything behind…”

“It doesn’t matter to me, because you told me this is what’s right. I trust you.”

Clay holds him tightly, the two seem to breathe in unison now. The train begins to rush past under the bridge, quaking the ground below.

-

“I know what I did. No one has to worry about it anymore, because I’m gonna be gone for good.” @dreamwastaken2, 7:26 PM.

“I’ll be fine.” @Tommyinnit, 7:27 PM.

“You’re the worst kind of person.” @Wilbursoot, 7:28.

“Shut up Wilbur” @Tommyinnit, 7:29.

-

Tommy sits in the trunk of the car, next to who he belongs with. It’s been a few hours now, they’re too far for anyone to find.

It’s great to be away from people, even the shy stars want to come out. There’s so many. 

“Where do you want to go?” Clay asks, placing his hand on the teenager’s thigh. Tommy smiles.

“Somewhere safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, that’s the end. ive been writing this story for a while (i usually just spontaneously decide to write a chapter in one sitting once every month lmao) i know that the ending and theme may seem kind of meta, and might even be seen as written by an anti, but i am kwastaken, the founder of pmcyt, so im not an anti. this was more a character study, if anything, i Love bowspam a lot and especially in this dynamic of “dream convinces tommy his feelings of admiration and closeness are that of love”. i know the ending might seem bad, but to me this is a “happy” ending. to abandon your life and loved ones to achieve some sort of “paradise” from a relationship never meant to happen… that’s special to me, i think  
> i am kwastaken/dreamslilkitty if you didn’t know this, i made the pmcyt community from the ground up. im more underground these days (hah) bec of the audience ive gathered and stray away from interacting w anyone. im working on more projects, one will be a fic, another is an episodic visual novel and one is a webcomic. they’re all related to mcyt by the way! hopefully the fic comes out soon. im very happy with all my projects ive been doing, and i can’t wait to share them with you  
> maybe one day ill do a comic of this story as one final goodbye to thsi fandom in the far future, but for now at least i managed to share it in some form.   
> to all people in pmcyt, to all people who feel lost and outcasted, to all people who feel disgusted in their own bodies because of what others did to them, to all people whose friends dictate everything they think is wrong, to all people who want an older person to tell them their purpose in life, to all people who just want to be safe in paradise-  
> i love you so, so much.   
> K


End file.
